Floating...
I haven't swam in a long time... I still love the water, yet it's not fun for me to swim anymore, it feels forced. My parents pretty much took the joy out of swimming for me by forcing me to repete Shark twice (my teachers even remarked I didn't need to) and then shoving me into the swim team. I enjoyed swimming because I enjoyed being in the water, I didn't want to compete with anyone, I just wanted to relax.
Sometimes though, when I just float outside in our pool and look up at the sky, I feel really at peace. That nothing bothers me, that nothing is wrong with me, that the world truly is a beautiful place after all.
Yeah, I admit I have low self-esteem... all my life, I've been constantly urged to compete with others, that I'm not good enough, that I'm fat and ugly with poor skin, squinty eyes and scraggly hair. Makes you wonder what kind of image obsessed parents I had, huh? Individuality and emotions are never priortized in Korean culture, it's no surprise how many kids my age committ suicide over there.
I just want to dive into the pool and swim again. Not to compete, but to swim down to the bottom of the deepest end, touch it, and then shoot back up again. Dive into it and swim laps, not for excercise but because it's fun. And just float in it, staring up at the sky with eyes full of wonder and delight.
Sometimes though, when I just float outside in our pool and look up at the sky, I feel really at peace. That nothing bothers me, that nothing is wrong with me, that the world truly is a beautiful place after all.
Yeah, I admit I have low self-esteem... all my life, I've been constantly urged to compete with others, that I'm not good enough, that I'm fat and ugly with poor skin, squinty eyes and scraggly hair. Makes you wonder what kind of image obsessed parents I had, huh? Individuality and emotions are never priortized in Korean culture, it's no surprise how many kids my age committ suicide over there.
I just want to dive into the pool and swim again. Not to compete, but to swim down to the bottom of the deepest end, touch it, and then shoot back up again. Dive into it and swim laps, not for excercise but because it's fun. And just float in it, staring up at the sky with eyes full of wonder and delight.