Autumn Reality
Oct. 4th, 2004 10:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bluejeans07Can I call this weekend a dream? If anything, what I've experienced this Ani-Magic was more like a slap in the face from reality and a far cry from any dream that I've ever had. While I was surrounded by good friends all the time, I felt over whelmed by the sheer amount of people surrounded me at all hours of the day. This was the longest time ever when I didn't go off by myself to do something other than going to the bathroom and it got to the point when I couldn't take it anymore and had to excuse myself to go back into the hotel room.
Also, I spent a good deal of the con being quiet and simply observing, only to realize that I saw lies being flung all over the place. People simply pretending to be happy or to like each other when they really don't... and one of my biggest pet peeves is to put up a big fake front and lie through your teeth. I've lied enough in my life to realize that lying is horrible and I hate it when I lie or when I see others lie.
Another big thing was the fact that there, at AM, was the one person I hated more than anyone I've ever hated in my entire life. I was so mad to see him there that I burst out crying. Can I ever get away from this guy? Apparently not, especially if he's going to show up at a small con like AM to try to weed off of people and try to get with my friends. I lost control and had to go upstairs to calm myself down. Talking to Claudine, Rey, Maryssa, Aimee, Annie, AJ and Judy definately helped too. I rejoined the con and kept myself in control, even when I shared an elevator with that jackass. I ignored him and I was proud of myself that I did.
Another big thing was the fact that I spent the entire masquerade standing and being surrounded by staff members I couldn't kick out just so I could get a little space. I'm slightly claustrophobic so it only got worse as more and more people shuffled in. When I went into the audience or to DJ MOD, I noticed that there were plenty of chairs as well as that HUGE grassy area, lots of places for people to be able to sit!! It's ridiculous that so many people just refused to move or go sit in the audience where they belong! I did escape from that area after we did the Zelda dance with a glass of water, Rene and Kix where we happily shouted comments of LOVE to UM XD My particular favorite was, "ANNIE LOOKS HAWT IN A COWBOY HAT!"
In the end, I came upon a huge realization: I'm just not a cosplayer to the fullest extent of that word or fandom. I love anime more than I love cosplay and I just don't care if I don't get pictures taken of me or anything of that sort. I don't like standing or walking around for long periods of time with nothing to do because there really isn't anything else to do other than stand around and look pretty. I like hanging with friends, flying around and being crazy, but it's hard to do that when I'm in costume or when others are in costume because we're either afraid of getting dirty or ruining someone's picture. There's just nothing to DO at AM besides cosplay or hit the Dealer's room.
Dealer's room was very successful for me because I got manga for about 6-7 dollars and the Miyazaku DVD collection for $72 instead of the usual $130. And performing and being silly at the Revue and Masq is always a wonderful experience. I'm very very proud of PTZ's performance in the Revue, dancing is a hard thing for me and it gets harder when I'm singing at the same time, but we did a fantastic job and I just can't be happier with the way everything turned out. Even my Heat-n-Bond jacket of TACKY DOOM couldn't be anymore.... tacky. XD
But in the end... I don't want to go back to a convention just to cosplay, it's not worth it for me, and I don't belong there. I belong at a huge convention where there's lots to do, guests to meet, and special friends to be able to have heart to hearts in at random moments during random moments of the day to balance out having crazy flying moments with friends and new people.
Also, I spent a good deal of the con being quiet and simply observing, only to realize that I saw lies being flung all over the place. People simply pretending to be happy or to like each other when they really don't... and one of my biggest pet peeves is to put up a big fake front and lie through your teeth. I've lied enough in my life to realize that lying is horrible and I hate it when I lie or when I see others lie.
Another big thing was the fact that there, at AM, was the one person I hated more than anyone I've ever hated in my entire life. I was so mad to see him there that I burst out crying. Can I ever get away from this guy? Apparently not, especially if he's going to show up at a small con like AM to try to weed off of people and try to get with my friends. I lost control and had to go upstairs to calm myself down. Talking to Claudine, Rey, Maryssa, Aimee, Annie, AJ and Judy definately helped too. I rejoined the con and kept myself in control, even when I shared an elevator with that jackass. I ignored him and I was proud of myself that I did.
Another big thing was the fact that I spent the entire masquerade standing and being surrounded by staff members I couldn't kick out just so I could get a little space. I'm slightly claustrophobic so it only got worse as more and more people shuffled in. When I went into the audience or to DJ MOD, I noticed that there were plenty of chairs as well as that HUGE grassy area, lots of places for people to be able to sit!! It's ridiculous that so many people just refused to move or go sit in the audience where they belong! I did escape from that area after we did the Zelda dance with a glass of water, Rene and Kix where we happily shouted comments of LOVE to UM XD My particular favorite was, "ANNIE LOOKS HAWT IN A COWBOY HAT!"
In the end, I came upon a huge realization: I'm just not a cosplayer to the fullest extent of that word or fandom. I love anime more than I love cosplay and I just don't care if I don't get pictures taken of me or anything of that sort. I don't like standing or walking around for long periods of time with nothing to do because there really isn't anything else to do other than stand around and look pretty. I like hanging with friends, flying around and being crazy, but it's hard to do that when I'm in costume or when others are in costume because we're either afraid of getting dirty or ruining someone's picture. There's just nothing to DO at AM besides cosplay or hit the Dealer's room.
Dealer's room was very successful for me because I got manga for about 6-7 dollars and the Miyazaku DVD collection for $72 instead of the usual $130. And performing and being silly at the Revue and Masq is always a wonderful experience. I'm very very proud of PTZ's performance in the Revue, dancing is a hard thing for me and it gets harder when I'm singing at the same time, but we did a fantastic job and I just can't be happier with the way everything turned out. Even my Heat-n-Bond jacket of TACKY DOOM couldn't be anymore.... tacky. XD
But in the end... I don't want to go back to a convention just to cosplay, it's not worth it for me, and I don't belong there. I belong at a huge convention where there's lots to do, guests to meet, and special friends to be able to have heart to hearts in at random moments during random moments of the day to balance out having crazy flying moments with friends and new people.
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-04 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-04 11:44 pm (UTC)I couldn't find you the first night, and barely got to see you on Sunday ;_;(plus, it just got insanely crowded with people around both of us at any given time). We should get together and hang out soon, sans Convention. XD
no subject
Date: 2004-10-04 11:51 pm (UTC)And while I believe lying is, at times, natural and even necessary in a society, I agree that too much of it just leads to heaps of trouble later on.
Whatever makes you happy, you should pursue it.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:23 am (UTC)and i think i know who you're talking about... :\
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 11:34 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 11:43 am (UTC)but yeah. it's okay jean. don't let him get to you too much :)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 10:58 am (UTC)Actually, that was me too!!! XD Angstyness?? In THAT outfit? How can you be angsty in a cowboy hat and white mesh top?? It's unpossible!!!!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 11:36 am (UTC)Well... it's not good to angst all the time!!! And you're hawt in white!!! And in a cowboy hat ^O~
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 10:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 10:59 am (UTC)*huggles*
Date: 2004-10-05 11:58 am (UTC)Imouto, I'm praying for you.
Hon, at least you're reevaluating the reasons you go to Cons.
my suggestion is this.. create a checklist to "filter" out the Cons that will drain you. That way you can assure yourself of some rest.
*hugs*
neesan