The Dark Winter Blues

[bluejeans07]

Recently, I found out that last year around Christmas time, an uncle of mine committed suicide. My family is really close to their extended members since my dad and his cousins all grew up together and even lived together in the same houses in Korea and then in the States when everyone moved here.

Anyway, one of the aunts I visited in Washington recently came over to do some fixing up on a property she owned in California. Since we live fairly close to LAX, Aunt Suzi came over to stay Friday night and left Saturday in the afternoon. That Friday, we all went to dinner and were chatting about things, and Aunt Suzi said a few times, "Oh when Daniel died" or "After Daniel died", etc.

For awhile, my mind didn't connect who 'Daniel' was and I totally thought it was a different Daniel. But towards the end of the meal, I had the horrible feeling that I was missing something and realized that I only knew one Daniel that Aunt Suzi would know, her younger brother. So when she and my brother went to the restroom, I asked my mom if Uncle Daniel was dead.

He's been gone for a year.

After speaking more to Mom last night, it was clear that they always intended to tell us but were coping themselves until they could figure out how. By then, though... it was out of mind. This really, really shocked my family though. It took a death for them to realize that people aren't crazy and depression and psychology and getting help for these things doesn't make people weak. But now they realize a bit more that we can't just 'carry on' sometimes without help and help isn't shameful nor is it something that makes us weak.


As soon as I check my balances in my bank account, I'm going to make a donation to Hopeline. Winter is the time of year when the suicide rate goes up, as does depression. And I wasn't able to help my uncle but at least I can support people who can help others in my uncle's position. If it moves you to, please send a couple bucks in the mail to Hopeline in honor of him, or reach out to someone you know who needs help and tell them that help is here.

Comments

[queenfanfiction.livejournal.com]

My uncle also committed suicide in his home in Japan in October of 2003, sent my mother (his older sister) into a depressive spell for almost a year. It rocked our family up pretty badly, esp. since we hadn't been all that close to him for a few years and felt like we could have done more to reach out to him before it was too late.

Anyway. My best wishes to you and your family in coping with the loss. It does hurt like hell at first, but take strength in the knowledge that no matter how long things take, things will be better. :3

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the wishes, they mean a lot. :)

[hope-guides-me.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'll say a prayer for your family.

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

Thanks friend! *hugs*

[ilaniguana.livejournal.com]

Suicide is especially hard for people to talk about. It seems shameful and selfish and it's hard to admit you couldn't do anything to stop it. I'm so sorry for your loss, friend. If you need anything, let me know.

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

You coming over and helping me decorate for Christmas has cleared away the blues. Thank you, friend! I'm so grateful for you!

[ilaniguana.livejournal.com]

It brought me great cheer as well! No sitting and fretting for me! I am very very happy we are friends. <3 It's late - I'll start getting soppy if I don't watch it.