Being Asian-American...

[bluejeans07]

I know it's plainly in my face that I am Asian-American. I know love history, anime, manga, things that come from Asia. But I also had trouble with the same things I loved, especially with my parents and what I struggled for. It's really hard to be Asian-American sometimes, especially as a first-generation with the history still ringing strongly in my blood. I should be proud of who I am, but sometimes, I felt stretched and squished at the same time.

A lot of things are incredibly unfair in my view. Especially how women are treated in family, to be looked at strangely because they're not married or they chose someone who is not Korean. I saw my most favorite aunts go through that and all the gossip that surrounded them. The two of them are happy with their respective non-Korean husbands and they sincerly believe that everyone is happy for them, but it's half-true and half-not since the family gossips about them.

Also, it's hard to go back to Korea. I know what Mel's going through right now but I haven't been through it for a long amount of time like she is. I remember an incident when a younger cousin, my friend Meehee and I were at the waterpark and the three of us made an innertube chain like a few guys were doing. The guys wanted to connect to us and talk to us and whatnot, and while I was about to, Meehee stopped me. It's incredibly uncomfortable because I stand out, the way I carry myself, my weight, my clothes, my appearence screams that I live in America. It's hilarious and saddening at the same time, especially since sometime I miss Korea like crazy. I miss the busy streets, the rice paddies, the nice mall, Korean television (although I don't miss the cheesy dramas!)... I really miss Danyang Mountain and all of it's natural beauty.

And especially after just finishing 'In the Absence of the Sun' by Helie Lee (who is the daughter of my grandfather's friend) I can't help but feel proud of my background. I won't spoil it for anyone, but I really really encourage everyone interested in historic and modern Asian/Asian-American studies to pick up this book, as well as it's predecessor 'Still Life with Rice' *shifty eyes at Annie ohnee*

Hey, blood is blood. I'm born Korean-American, I'll die a Korean-American, and I'll continue to live my life as one. Not aZn or white-washed... but just Jean, the Korean-American who likes to draw, devours books and loves anime. ^_^

Comments

[trionfale.livejournal.com]

LOL I actually have the book. I picked it up way back when UCSB was having a clearance sale and yet to this very day, I have not had a chance to read it. I should read it on my lunch hour now that I try to catch up on my reading then.

[mandymitchell.livejournal.com]

You have to read it! It's sooo good!

[mandymitchell.livejournal.com]

I read "Still Life With Rice" by Helie Lee in my Asian-American Studies class! It was such a good book! Very comparable to Amy Tan, one of favorite authors. I didn't know you actually knew someone who knew Helie Lee! That's so cool!

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Helie Lee and I were pen pals for awhile... although I was in the sixth grade at the time X_X;

[mandymitchell.livejournal.com]

You wrote to Helie Lee? O_O And to think that one day she'll become a published author and required reading for my college course. Wow!

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

*LOL!!* That was after her book was published XD I was in sixth grade when it first came out!

[mandymitchell.livejournal.com]

Boy, do I feel old! O_O